I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i've created a new STD.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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