Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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