So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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