The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
