This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
