She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
