walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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