and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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