i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
