I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
