It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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