it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
