Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
