Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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