i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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