And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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