But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize