If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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