i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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