She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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