when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I party with great urgency now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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