I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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