and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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