I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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