i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
