my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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