you win again, gameday.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
