And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
