so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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