please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
