then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think my moral compass just broke
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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