Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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