I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
