Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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