I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
