She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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