I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize