Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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