so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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