You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
