I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
