I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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