he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
