your parents love me but you hate me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
