The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
