NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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