her vagine was all disorganized.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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