So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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