I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
