Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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