I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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