our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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