I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
