I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
