I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
