Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
