you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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