For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
