i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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