I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
