he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As shirtless as possible
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
