oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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