dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
