I wish I could punch you in the face.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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