If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
