Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love you. Go after that dick
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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