And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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