News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
