But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
