Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
