He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
