I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can I color on your dick again?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
