I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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